(mis) adventures of men....

Hi world so my pal sends me his complains on women encounters and i thought i would share it with all of you..hope u enjoy it as much as i did...



Number 1: Smelly pussy

I picked up a stunning looking girl in Solwezi in Zambia recently and what looked like a promising night turned out to be a disaster of biblical proportions (More Details posted in the Zambia section).

Once in the room after fondling her and she had undressed, the most revolting smell imaginable filled the room; her pussy smelled worse than roadkill, a skunk’s fart and rotting carrion all rolled into one.

I thought of sending her to shower but after some nauseating seconds, I vomited and promptly shouted at her to get dressed and get the hell out of my room. She had the audacity to ask for her payment and a physical altercation almost ensued.

I pushed her out of the room and it took me a few seconds to stop retching in disgust. My stomach was recoiling in protest. I sprayed the room with some deodorant but still there was an ugly sniff in the air. I could not sleep the whole night because I was getting stung by an angry army of mosquitoes. The trauma of it all has turned my libido from the usual billy-goat 150% to an all time erectile dysfunctional level.

Number 2: Encounter with faggots

I was sipping a cold Tusker quietly at Simmers Nairobi when two men sitting next to me said hallo. I didn’t think much of it and we immediately begun discussing Kenyan politics animatedly while marveling at the shenanigans our Kenyan politicians engage in. After one too many rounds, they decided that we move on to Annie Oakley’s and since I had not identified any trollop that had captured my fancy, I readily agreed since I thought I would probably get better take away fish at Annies.

We jumped into their 4 x 4 and once in the car, one of the men fondled my knee and attempted to kiss me. I froze for a few seconds and sobered up as fast as a scud missile fired at the Iraqi’s. I realized that I had all along been chatting with a couple of faggots who probably thought I was one of them. The dude tried to rub my balls and a major scuffle ensued. The one driving tried to assist his mate and the car promptly swerved off the road and landed in a ditch near Sagret Hotel. We brawled for a few minutes and I finally managed to get away. I had misread the situation at Simmers in such an amateurish fashion that it was not even funny. I didn’t realize that there are middle-aged, portly and ugly faggots around. I thought they were all girlish looking as seen on TV. How naïve, I almost got my butt-hole deflowered in car. Sheesh! 

Number 3: Nasty Thongs

I meet a tall hot looking mamacita with a figure to kill for at Florida Nightclub in Nairobi. The place was crawling with Mzungu’s and as usual it was quite difficult for me (a local and ugly) to score such a stunner with such Mzungu competition around. I finally managed get her attention and after exchanging jambo’s, she asked me for a drink and after I bought her one, she took off before I could say Condoleeza Rice. I next spotted her dancing on the dance floor with some old white Mzungu. I cut my losses and decided to lick my wounds at the counter with several Tusker Baridi’s.

After a long time, she magically reappeared and being the experienced monger who understands the game, I knew she had failed to score her preferred Mzungu and she had decided to "settle" with me. I threw my pride out of the window because her delicious booty was sending sirens screaming loudly deep in my balls.

Anyway, we later agreed on 1. 500 KSH for the night and retired to my place. I was so excited that I had managed to score such I stunner that I was all over her like a cat on a rat. I started licking her boobs and her belly then pulled off her jeans. I licked her navel, the bits of her pubic hair that were peeping out through the G-Strings and also her pussy through the fabric.

I decided to pull off her G-String with my teeth and in the process I was hit by a stunning shocker. She had major skid-marks on her G-String. A thick line of shit coated her G-String. She had probably gotten drunk and took a dump without bothering to use tissue paper afterwards. Nasty! Nasty! Nasty! .

Need I say more? The night ended prematurely with me disgusted, angry and still horny. Besides, I had to drive her all the way back to Florida. Damn!

Number 4: Huge pussy

I met some 9/10 Somali stunner at Simmers in Nairobi who roundly rejected my advances each time. She repeatedly told me that she only sleeps with foreigners (mzungu’s, Indians Nigerians etc) since Kenyans are "Wanyama" (Swahili for beasts) who shag and then refuse to pay up. I offered her the money severally upfront on different occasions but she repeatedly refused saying that she may get to my place or the lodge and I would start beating her up.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, after investing a lot of money on beers and cigarettes for her and her ‘sister’s over a period of almost a month; she finally agreed to give me a long overdue shag for 2. 000 Ksh. It was a bit on the higher side but curiosity made me oblige.

Once in the room, she refused to give me a BJ or even engage in any foreplay. She simply undressed and spread her legs wide open for me to enter and get over it.

The sight of her pussy was shocking. She had a BIG gaping hole down there, so big that she could easily take on a donkey’s dick and a horse’s dick at the same time. I gathered the courage to enter her and my dick felt like a pin plugging in and out of a volcano’s crater. . Total Disaster!

 Number 5: Forgotten Raincoat

While in Addis Ababa-Ethiopia, I was mesmerized by the sheer number of 9/10 to 10/10 stunners all over the place. Ethiopians are bloody beautiful. Setting a monger like me loose in Addis Ababa is like letting loose a monkey in a maize-field.

I went to some nightclub and picked up a hot Ethiopian number. She could not speak any English and that made the encounter even more intriguing, sensual and arousing. I simply bought tonnes of drinks and we danced the night away. I eventually got as high as a kite and as horny as a deviant catholic priest.

Negotiating for a price for a shag was a tricky affair. I placed her hand on my crotch and gestured to the exit. Being drunk, I simply pulled out a bunch of Birrs and handed them to her. She took some amount and returned the rest to me. Off we went.

Once at the hotel, I was licking her all over and she was moaning like a porn starlet. She had the smoothest mullato skin I had ever seen and long silky natural hair (unlike the fake hair extensions and weaves in Kenya). Before I had realized it, I was deep inside her pussy thrusting hard like a BMW Piston while she was scratching my back and moaning sensually. . I glanced over at the dressing table and saw the pack of condoms looking sadly at me, unwrapped and untouched.

Shit! I had forgotten my raincoat! I could not stop though, I kept shagging.

The next few days I could not work, I kept thinking of diseases, viruses and infections. On the flight home I was cursing myself and promising myself that I would be faithful to my wife forever and ever. I managed that for a week.

So, fellow mongers, have any of you experienced such howlers in your mongering adventures?